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Amarillo

Amarillo

After Oklahoma City, we drove into Amarillo, Texas, for one day of adventure in the Old West.  We stayed at the Amarillo Ranch RV Park.  It was very nice for a gravel lot, and it had four stretched, 1980s Cadillacs with giant steer horns on the hoods, parked in a row in front of the office.  Those were to shuttle you to the Big Texas Steak Ranch.

The Big Texas Steak Ranch is home of the 72 oz. steak dinner challenge.  If you can eat a 72 oz. steak, shrimp cocktail, baked potato, butter and roll, and salad, in one hour or less, then you’re a winner and the prize is… your 72 oz. steak dinner.  If you lose, you pay $72 for your dinner.  The upside seems a bit low, no?  The prize should include, hmmmm, maybe a free t-shirt or a follow-up meal or a health care plan?  None of us took the challenge, and, sadly, no one else did either while we were there.   

But the steak house carnival was still worth it.  It was a huge restaurant/carnival.  There was an Old West/Texas gift shop, and video games like a big shooting range, including choice of shotgun or pistol.  There was a fudge and ice cream and cookie shop.  There were dead wall-animals everywhere.  You could buy steer horns for your own car.  Our waitress gave Lily a little cowgirl hat, and she was serenaded by a three-man country-western band.  They played some Randy Travis for us, and Lily told them she was sorry but she left all her instruments at home.  We all had delicious steaks, which didn’t quite weigh 72 oz.  And Don-Michael and Andie shared a flight of 12 local beers for only $12.

Then we went to Cadillac Ranch, where there are a dozen actual Cadillacs stuck up vertically, out of the ground, in a row.  All are invited to tag the Cadillacs with spray paint.  (Is it still called tagging?)  We took turns participating in the graffiti extravaganza.  (BTW, for pics of all these adventures, please click the link to our Instagram site, where Jill is posting her amazing pics.)

While we were in Amarillo, Texas, we tried to register our new Hyundai Velociraptor.  See, the dealership registered the car and got us license plates, but they refused to get our Disabled Veterans plates for us.  And you get a lot of good sh*t with those DV plates, such as free parking in all kinds of places.  We want them!  Well, Amarillo is in Potter County, and they said we need a real address to register.  And we was like, “We’re free souls, maaaaaan!  Our home is the road. Can you own a butterfly?”  And they were like, “You need to return to Dallas and register there.”  And we was all, “That’s 12 hours away!”  And they go, “You can state you’re a resident of Potter County.  But that would be fraud.”  So we screeched, “You’re mean!” and threw poop at them and ran out.  But that left us in a fix.  First, we had no toilet paper, and, second, we had no registration.  We dialed a sad call to the Dallas County Tax Assessor, and they explained we could just mail in our app, fee, etc.  Why didn’t we think of that in the first place?  Well, the real point here is that the gubmint hates free souls.

Also, a lesson in buying cars: If you find a car that they only made 1,200 of…. don’t say, “Cool!  I’ll be so original!” Instead, say, “I bet you can’t get parts for that thing.”  Our Hyundai Veloster is a Rally edition.  Only 1,200 made, and it looks awesome.  We get compliments all the time on the wrap we put on it.  Except we didn’t!  What?  It came with matte blue paint.  Yes, matte!  Amazing.  All you need is a fingernail or hard butter to scrape some off, but it’s nice.  Well, a brake light went out on us.  (Actually, a certain mechanic, who will remain anonymous, drilled through our break light assembly while attaching our tow bar.  Andie would like to name the mechanic, because she still feels pissy about it.  But DonMichael says that we paid $300 for a $1200 job and that means we can’t diss him.)  Anyhoo, turns out the Rally has LED break lights, and nobody carries them, and, if they did, they would want $640 for each one.  We searched long and hard, for days, for a used one.  DonMichael finally located a refurbished one for a mere $280, and now our Veloster is good as new.  Except for the fact that Discount Tires put on tires that are too big for it, and they scrape the wheel wells on any sharp turns…. Sigh….  (We have new tires ready for pickup on Tuesday, so C U Next Tuesday, Discount Tires.)  Andie sorely misses her Civic Si and still longs for that Civic Type R.

Santa Fe: NOTinTheRVnow.

Santa Fe: NOTinTheRVnow.

Oklahoma City

Oklahoma City